How Many Mail-Order Marriages End in Divorce

The easiest way to answer this question is to refer to studies and researchers. Opinions, however, vary. Some assume that, in some cases, binational marriages are more likely to end in divorce, but that will depend on multiple factors.

Some claim that the divorce rate for mail-order marriages ranges from around 35% to 41%, which is 7-13% lower compared to the overall US divorce rate. Other studies confirm that immigrants are less likely to divorce than conational couples.

So, how many mail-order marriages end in divorce? The approximate answer is 30-40%, but a lot will depend on a plethora of factors, and we’re going to discuss all of them here.

Facts that explain everything: Statistics & scientific findings

First, let’s start with some key facts and figures that can help understand what the situation with cross-cultural marriages is really like.

Over 21% of married households in the United States have one foreign-born spouse.
Intermarriage rates are also very high in the UK, which welcomed over 242,000 family migrants in 2022.
There are certain countries with the highest marriage migration rates. For example, in Asia, it’s the Philippines. In 2022, nearly 5,000 K-1 Filipino visa applicants will enter the US to get married. The US, along with the UK, Canada, and Australia also welcomes marriage migrants from Thailand, China, Vietnam, Ukraine, Russia, Mexico, and Brazil.
Contrary to popular belief, mail-order brides don’t mention financial motivation or an opportunity to immigrate as the main reasons why they made such a decision, even when their husbands are not around. Most say that they were just attracted to foreign men, which is often explained by positive stereotypes.
The divorce rate for mail-order marriages is a bit lower than the divorce rate for conational couples, which can be explained by the fact that foreign brides usually come from more religious and traditional societies and take marriage more seriously.

Simply put, mail-order bride marriages are still a thing. There are countries with the highest number of brides who intermarry, and their motivation is usually related to their personal preferences and desire to start a family rather than financial or other reasons. Their strong family and sometimes religious values often make their marriages last.

Recommended mail-order brides websites

Another interesting question is how men find foreign brides. The time when you could literally choose a wife from a catalog is long gone (which, by the way, explains the better success rate). Today, men search for future spouses online and build authentic relationships before they propose. We’ve picked a few websites that work best for singles seeking cross-cultural relationships.

Dating Sites | Jacob Lucas recommendation

Approved by: Peggy Freeman

Which mail-order marriages are most likely to last?

There are certain factors that show that a mail-order marriage is more likely to be happy, healthy, and last over decades. Most frequently, they are as follows.

1. Longer dating period

It works for conational couples, too, but it’s even more important for binational couples. If partners are dating for at least a year, they have a better chance to build a happy family. That can be easily explained by the fact that the longer people communicate, the more they learn about each other. It’s easier to see red flags and find out whether you can tolerate something that is important to your partner.

2. Deeper emotional and spiritual connection

Psychologists often note that it’s crucially important for couples, especially for couples who are now going through the long-distance relationship phase, to talk about something besides daily routine, favorite movies, colleagues, etc. It’s important to discuss values, beliefs, fears, moments that make you happy, and some spiritual and philosophical things. That will not only make your connection deeper and stronger—you’ll get immune to fights and arguments that happen for no important reason at all.

3. More meetings in real life

Physical touches, mimics, gestures, and sound voices are what keep us together. Of course, emotional connection matters, but it’s based on physical connection, too, and that doesn’t have to mean sex. It just means that couples who just met once still are strangers at least at the physical level, and though exceptions exist, we’d still recommend meeting in real life at least a few times.

4. Good relationships with families

In nearly all top mail-order bride countries, the institution of the family is really strong. No matter if you’re going to marry a woman from Vietnam, the Philippines, Mexico, or Ukraine, her relationships with her family will be strong. She’ll also need to build a relationship with your parents, and if, in both cases, you make enough effort to find common ground, that will definitely have a positive impact on your marriage. That’s especially important if one or both spouses have children from previous marriages.

5. Support during the period of cultural assimilation

Another important phase is the time after the wedding when a mail-order bride is getting used to a new life. That’s an incredibly difficult period, and though there are nations that assimilate better (for example, the success rate is high for mail-order wives from the Philippines), certain difficulties arise anyway. If both partners support and try to understand each other, they have a better chance of making it work.

6. Strong motivation of a bride to become a part of a new society

Support is important, but the motivation of a woman to assimilate matters a lot, too. If integration is not an empty sound for a wife, if she makes an effort to find new hobbies, meet new people, and find a job (not necessarily a full-time one), the chance of building a harmonious marriage will be much higher.

Which mail-order marriages are more likely to end in divorce?

There are also signs that a mail-order marriage won’t last, and usually, they are as follows:

1. Focusing on specific attributes—appearance, money, etc. when choosing a partner

Here are the most common mistakes both foreign brides and their grooms often make. They like one specific thing about their partner and think that this is already a good reason to build a relationship with this person. For example, a man has a real chance to find a foreign woman who’s “out of his league”. If that’s the only thing that motivates him, there is a high chance that won’t end well just because dozens of important personal things are missed. And in the end, we never fall for and then live with someone’s outer beauty only.

2. Very specific expectations about marriage that don’t match

Sometimes, both partners expect a very specific thing. For example, one of the partners may be completely sure that another partner must be employed no matter what, want 3 children, live in a suburb—that may be anything, but it must be a specific demand. If this expectation doesn’t become a reality, that often causes conflicts that can’t be solved.

3. Lack of communication

This is the most serious reason for divorce in the future. Chemistry matters, but it’s not enough to build a deep and healthy relationship. If couples don’t communicate enough, if they conceal their feelings instead of expressing them in a polite and friendly manner, they won’t be able to build a real emotional connection and compromise in the future.

4. Bad relationships with friends and family

As we’ve noted previously, it’s incredibly important, especially if partners’ bonds with their families are very strong and they communicate regularly. Still, even if their relationships with each other’s parents aren’t that good, there’s still a chance that they will cope with it. But if their children from previous marriages live with them, and relationships are bad, a couple will hardly handle it. That’s why it’s so important for a man dating a mail-order bride who already has kids to focus on relationships with them too, when visiting his potential wife. That may determine the future success or failure of marriage.

5. Fundamentally different values

There are 7 dimensions of culture that allow understanding the main differences between two societies. In most cases, if we compare American society and societies of mail-order bride countries, we’ll see the same difference—Americans have more individualistic values, while women from Vietnam, the Philippines, Ukraine, Mexico, and many other top mail-order bride countries have more communitarian values. It’s not a bad thing, but if the individualistic values of one of the partners are too strong, the chance is their own goals and ambitions will turn out to be more important than family goals.

Professional advice for those who consider mail-order bride marriages

How many mail order marriages end in divorce? Now you know the answer. Those who consider meeting mail-order wives should consider that they have a real chance to improve their chances of starting a strong and happy family, and they’ll be higher if they follow some practical recommendations:

Ask yourself whether you really need this. First of all, consider everything that we’ve mentioned before. Building a relationship isn’t always easy, and though cross-cultural relationships may be as or even more satisfying than relationships between people from the same cultural environment, there’ll be certain difficulties, and you should start this journey only if your motivation is strong enough.
Choose a destination country carefully. There’s enough information on national characters and personality traits of women from particular societies. As we’ve noted previously, there are 7 dimensions of culture, and you can compare them for your country and a country where you consider finding a bride using a free tool.
Choose the site and create the most informative profile possible. It may not seem to be important, but in reality, you can narrow the search to your best matches simply by explaining your goals and expectations, describing your lifestyle, and mentioning what you are looking for in a partner. A woman who’s not into your lifestyle won’t contact you, and that’s actually a good thing.
Don’t focus on appearance only. Physical attraction isn’t enough to build a happy family. Though it may seem that the chemistry between you is too strong, that won’t last if you have nothing to share.
Make every effort to build that emotional bond. When you start a long-distance relationship (and you’ll need to start it anyway), it’s crucially important to get really close to another person without having an opportunity to see them regularly. Psychologists recommend using more advanced tools to make it work. For example, texting is convenient, but if you want to build an emotional connection, video chatting and phone calls will be way more effective.
Make plans together and become a part of each other’s lives. Another thing that helps partners get closer is planning. That’s how you can wait for something great together and make the bond stronger. Also, you can introduce your partner to your family and friends even at a distance, make video calls, share news, etc.

With modern technology, finding a partner overseas and, most importantly, starting a genuine, deep, and satisfying relationship is easier than ever before. That, in part, explains why mail-order bride marriages may work, but we shouldn’t also ignore the cases in which they don’t work.

Knowledge is power, and being rational isn’t always a bad thing. If you see the perks and potential difficulties, you’ll be able to develop realistic expectations and, in the end, succeed.

Jacob Lucas

Dating Expert

Hi, I'm Jacob Lucas. I'm an experienced dating coach and influencer specializing in relationships and dating advice. I'm also the chief author at Mail-Brides.org. I use my expertise in cross-cultural relationships and communication with singles and couples worldwide to give recommendations that will really work for international singles.